Throughout my several years as a blogger, I’ve taken many a blogging hiatus.
Mostly unintentional – life has a tendency of getting in the way of even our most purposeful goals. But nothing has done so quite so much as having a baby. (Even as I write this, he is screaming in my lap, kicking my arms away from the keyboard as if to say “I did NOT okay this!! – but needs must.)
First came the pregnancy. Which I was initially determined to power through with grace and dignity. That all quickly flew out the window as I soon found myself hunched over the toilet, vomiting, while simultaneously peeing my pants…and this wasn’t the only time I would find myself in that position. There is no dignity in pregnancy, as it turns out. I gave up on trying to look cute, (let’s face it, I gave up trying to do anything) and instead my efforts turned to trying to survive the “morning” sickness – which, by the way, is the biggest lie you’ve ever been told. Morning sickness?? HA. What a crock that is! Try 24 hours a day, for nine months, sickness.
As our due date crept slowly closer, I began to wonder why I was ever crazy enough to think I could be someone’s mother. If being sick for nine months straight didn’t kill me, surely labor would. And if, by some miracle, it didn’t, I could probably kiss my hopes of an intervention-free labor goodbye, as there was no way in hell I was going to have the energy to deliver a child after nine months of growing him. And after ALL of that – to have to take care of another living being, and to meet all of his needs, when I couldn’t even meet my own? Yeah right!
So, as you can understand, blogging fell by the wayside almost immediately.
The good news is, neither pregnancy, nor labor, got the best of me. And surprisingly enough, not only did I get exactly the birth experience I was hoping for (I’ll save that story for another post), the second our son was born I began to feel human again. In fact, it was a little as though the pregnancy and delivery had flipped a switch in my immune system, and it wasn’t just the morning sickness that disappeared – so did several of the other health issues I had been battling since before we even conceived. As it turns out, I had nothing to worry about – although being a mom has definitely had it’s challenging moments, I’m up to those challenges. And every moment, even the hard ones, has been worth it.
But still – the blogging hiatus continued. I needed time – time to soak in every single second of the crazy new life I was living. Time to snuggle with this perfectly beautiful little boy I had sacrificed so much to grow, time to sniff in his glorious new baby smell, and most of all: time to readjust my life to a completely new routine, one that didn’t revolve around me any longer, but around this baby and all of his needs.
I’m not going to lie, I even considered never picking up the writing habit again. It’s silly, I know, because now that my mommy brain is settling, I realize that I still have so much to say. On different topics now, maybe, but that doesn’t change the fact that I yearn to communicate through words. Pen to paper. Keyboard to screen. Whatever form it may take, I feel like I have something to contribute to this world, and the only way I know how to do it is through writing.
So here I am, determined to get back at it again. Maybe not as regularly as I once hoped, maybe a little distracted by nursing sessions and diaper changes and laundry and naps – but still here, still writing.
I hope you’ll join me.